New Malaysian Traffic Laws by Decree of the Stupid

By Decree of the Stupid, the following are new traffic laws in force in Malaysia.

1. Slow drivers are to drive on the fast lane at all cost. While it is not a legal obligation for slow drivers to cause traffic congestion on the fast lane, it is highly encouraged.

2. Slow drivers on the fast lane are to drive even more slowly if there is an accident on the road. This is to allow other drivers to have a good look at the accident, especially if it is on the opposite side of the road. While it is not a legal obligation to cause accidents, slow drivers are encouraged to brake erratically while others are watching a road accident, so as to cause other accidents.

3. Slow drivers are to remain oblivious to fast drivers who need to overtake on the fast lane, especially those fast drivers who "flash" slow drivers using the high-beam.

4. Slow drivers are to leave just enough gap between them and other cars on the middle or slow lane, so as to entice fast drivers to overtake from the left, but slow drivers are to accelerate just then to close the gap, denying fast drivers the ability to actually overtake.

5. Slow drivers are to drive on both the fast and middle/slow lane when a fast driver approaches from behind. This is to give the illusion that the slow driver is about to give way, but without actually doing so. At the same time, by driving on both the fast and middle/slow lanes, the slow driver is to prevent the fast driver from overtaking.

6. Both slow and fast drivers are prohibited from using the indicator lights when switching lanes or turning.

7. Fast drivers are prohibited from overtaking slow drivers, unless they do so from the left. Fast drivers on the fast lane are encouraged to high-beam slow drivers, but must not expect slow drivers to give way.

8. Fast drivers are to weave in and out of traffic, and are prohibited from using indicator lights while doing so. Fast drivers are encouraged to overtake using the emergency lane.

9. Fast drivers are prohibited from following slow drivers in a queue and, must, instead, cut queue at all available points. Use of indicator lights when cutting queue is also prohibited.

10. Fast drivers are prohibited from slowing down when overtaking slow drivers, so as to shock slow drivers when fast drivers zoom pass. This shock is a necessary thrill for slow drivers who cannot drive fast.

Drivers who do not observe these Decrees by the Stupid are to be punished by all stupid drivers on the road, both slow and fast, by any means available.

Nissan Almera - What the Heck's Got Into Nissan?

Nissan makes great cars. They're extremely reliable and trendy, generally speaking.

The Nissan GTR is one of the best super cars around, followed by the 370Z, etc.

Then there's the ever popular Nissan Grand Livina and its derivative, the X-Gear, and the superbly powerful Navara SUT (or sports utility truck).

And then there are Nissan's silly looking cars, which I don't get (or understand). I mean, why? Why have these silly looking cars when they go against Nissan own styling trend that could easily stand up to other leading marques?

Check out the latest addition to Nissan's long line of silly design cars - the new Almera. One look and you know this car is meant to appeal to the Toyota Vios fan, but it doesn't even come close to the Vios' cute appeal.

If, by definition, cute means "ugly in a nice way", then the Almera is extremely ugly with just a dash of nice - not much or rather, it has too little of "nice".

To put it differently, labelling the Almera "cute" would be too generous a description.

It does have its winning points though. The Almera's cabin space is larger than the Vios', albeit the Almera remains a baseline-class or B-class car like the Vios. This means that there's quite a bit more legroom for rear passenger comfort, which one usually finds in compact-class or C-class cars.

The Almera's boot space is also on the larger side, which is good for mega-store grocery shopping and holidaying with the family, albeit the car's practical boot space is not all that bigger than the Vios'.

The engine is pretty standard, but it has been configured, not for power like the Vios, but for best fuel economy, which is reportedly 14.9KM per litre of RON95 fuel. Of course, the downside to this is that the Almera would feel rather sluggish, like the Sentra.

In short, the Almera would probably sell like the silly looking Silphy and Latio. But I seriously doubt that it would win over significant market share from Toyota just because it tries very hard to appeal to Vios-loving car owners.

By the way, the new Almera is actually the latest variant of the Sentra, but it's not called Sentra probably because Nissan Malaysia wants to keep selling the Sentra.

VW Jetta - An Odd Little Magnificent Car

The new VW Jetta is not a compact or C-class car, although it looks almost big enough to be one. It's a people's car that is supposed to compete against the likes of Japanese and Korean sub-compact or B-class (baseline-class) cars of the likes of Toyota Vios and its ilk.

But this makes the Jetta extremely odd, because it is not within the price range of a Vios and performs way better too. Yet, it's not a C-class car.

Priced around RM150,000++ with insurance and road tax, the Jetta comes with a 1.4L dual turbo engine that can churn upwards of 150BHp, but without leather seats. At this price range, it competes directly against E-class cars like the hugely popular Toyota Camry, Mazda 6, Hyundai Sonata and Kia Optima.

So, one can hardly consider the Jetta a B-class car. If anything, it is a sports enthusiast's car because - wowiee! - the Jetta can really fly.

In short, the Jetta is truly an odd little magnificent car.

Mazda SHINARI Concept - New Mazda 6

If you think the new Volvo S60 is beautiful, then check out the Mazda SHINARI Concept car, which is rumoured to be the template for the upcoming new Mazda 6. It's far more beautiful and stylistic.

In anticipation of the launch of the new Mazda 6, Bermaz is clearing stock of the outgoing Mazda 6 with a RM20,000 discount promotion. According to one of the sales persons who has seen the new Mazda 6, the new version has smaller headlights and sleeker looking front (pretty much like the SHINARI Concept).

Price? Don't know yet.

But for those who want to see what the new Mazda 6 could look like, check out the similarities between the SHINARI Concept and the new CX5.

Volvo S60 - Wish I may, Wish I Might...

There's something about a Volvo car that makes you want to go "Wowiee!" the first time you see it. And when you get into one, you feel like you're encased in a solid, safe and comfortable ride.

That's how I felt when my late father brought home the Volvo 144 station wagon for the first time and, over a decade later, the Volvo 244 GL sedan.

Fast forward some 30 years later, the new Volvo S60 still has that effect. It looks great, feels great and even smells great.

So much so, car lovers the world over can rest assured that when you cruise about in the new S60, you're going to be such a head-turner that, when you imagine or find yourself in "lesser" cars, you can't help but think of them as "cheap". As pompous as this may sound, that's the kind of effect the new S60 had on me when I went about my monthly test-drive rounds, never mind that the S60 I drove didn't come with 18-inch sport rims but 17-inch ones (which I think is a shame for such a beautiful car).

Anyway, the moment I stepped out of the S60 to test drive the Honda CRZ Hybrid, I felt like I was about to get into some poorly designed Japanese car that not only looked cheap but felt cheap as well. And the thing is, I really like the Honda CRZ Hybrid.

Sigh!

I suppose if you can already afford a luxury model like the S60, you shouldn't really be comparing it to cars that are beneath its class. That wouldn't be fair.

Interestingly though, when I compared the S60 to the Mazda6 and KIA Optima, I didn't get the feeling that I was comparing a luxury model to cheapo ones. That's probably because the latter two can really stand up to the S60 in terms of attractive contemporary design.

 

The Many Faces of Toyota Camry

Earlier this year, pictures of the new Toyota Camry were released and made their way onto the Internet. The new Camry looked sleeker and far more streamlined than the old Camry.

But that would not be the new Camry that makes its way to Malaysian shores. The reason is that the sleeker, more streamlined Camry is for the Japan market, whereas the overseas market would get the wider bodied, longer wheel-base version.

From a styling point of view, the new Camry - overseas version - looks more imposing due to its angular lines that make it appear somewhat bigger than the older version. But get inside and it's pretty much a Camry designed for the "senior executive" market - senior as in age and position, though not necessarily wealth.

This is affirmed by its driving feel, which prioritises passenger comfort over sports handling, albeit the VVTI that comes with the new Camry.

For the young and upcoming or the young at heart, the new Camry - like the old Camry - is rather "ho-hum". It's an old man's car that doesn't quite excite.

Ah! Well, that's what the current market wants, probably, which is why the Camry has been the top selling executive or E-class sedan. 

Nonetheless, if you're looking to distinguish yourself without blowing a wad of cash on a higher-end E-class car, the new Camry is not the only good choice around - there's the new KIA Optima, Hyundai Sonata and, of course, the Mazda 6. All you need is to be brave enough to break away from the "pack" that's all into Toyota cars...

Goodbye My Darling Forte

Yes, I did it again. After upgrading the car that I love to bits, I went and bought a new car.

So, now, I have to say goodbye to my darling Forte, because it doesn't make sense to keep two good cars and pay almost twice as much as I have to. After all, I'm driving my new car more - yes, that's me being reasonable :P

What car did I buy? The far superior and far more stylish Mazda6 2.5 S-VT (which I've reviewed before).

I should be so lucky, you think? Why not keep both?

Yes, I'd love to keep both the Forte and the Mazda6, but dear wifey won't let me. "Better spend the money on me!" she says and she's right, of course :)

So, here's me saying goodbye and paying tribute to my darling Forte:

I'll always remember
that rainy Monday morning
How much joy I got
going fast in my new red cruiser
Only to hit a deep puddle and go spinning
"Oh! God. My new car" I screamed
as I saw the concrete divider
Rushing in for a devastating front-ender
But my darling Forte
You kept it away
With your fantastic 180 manoeuvre
Thank God
And thank you...

My darling 2.0L beauty is now for sale at RM78,000 ono.

:)