New Malaysian Traffic Laws by Decree of the Stupid

By Decree of the Stupid, the following are new traffic laws in force in Malaysia.

1. Slow drivers are to drive on the fast lane at all cost. While it is not a legal obligation for slow drivers to cause traffic congestion on the fast lane, it is highly encouraged.

2. Slow drivers on the fast lane are to drive even more slowly if there is an accident on the road. This is to allow other drivers to have a good look at the accident, especially if it is on the opposite side of the road. While it is not a legal obligation to cause accidents, slow drivers are encouraged to brake erratically while others are watching a road accident, so as to cause other accidents.

3. Slow drivers are to remain oblivious to fast drivers who need to overtake on the fast lane, especially those fast drivers who "flash" slow drivers using the high-beam.

4. Slow drivers are to leave just enough gap between them and other cars on the middle or slow lane, so as to entice fast drivers to overtake from the left, but slow drivers are to accelerate just then to close the gap, denying fast drivers the ability to actually overtake.

5. Slow drivers are to drive on both the fast and middle/slow lane when a fast driver approaches from behind. This is to give the illusion that the slow driver is about to give way, but without actually doing so. At the same time, by driving on both the fast and middle/slow lanes, the slow driver is to prevent the fast driver from overtaking.

6. Both slow and fast drivers are prohibited from using the indicator lights when switching lanes or turning.

7. Fast drivers are prohibited from overtaking slow drivers, unless they do so from the left. Fast drivers on the fast lane are encouraged to high-beam slow drivers, but must not expect slow drivers to give way.

8. Fast drivers are to weave in and out of traffic, and are prohibited from using indicator lights while doing so. Fast drivers are encouraged to overtake using the emergency lane.

9. Fast drivers are prohibited from following slow drivers in a queue and, must, instead, cut queue at all available points. Use of indicator lights when cutting queue is also prohibited.

10. Fast drivers are prohibited from slowing down when overtaking slow drivers, so as to shock slow drivers when fast drivers zoom pass. This shock is a necessary thrill for slow drivers who cannot drive fast.

Drivers who do not observe these Decrees by the Stupid are to be punished by all stupid drivers on the road, both slow and fast, by any means available.